The Truer Thing to Courage

A friend told me that I should start with my boxing sessions

if I could train relentlessly at the drop of 10 in the morning

I could generate energy to double my day’s productivity

He said I shouldn’t rest too much at a corner where the darkness lives

One of the books I’ve read about mental disorders

said that it is innate to carry too much weight on my shoulders

And that if I’d follow the guidelines for coping;

I’d make it to go out to that light

I was told that distance loves to dance

between two people who want to be together

What he didn’t know was -

I always bury my head on that pillow

with ears plugged and swollen eyes

I tried it a hundred times and believe me I don’t want to go on like that

Christopher Robin said the truth about happiness

That it is all about giving like exhaling an out breath

if I could care more about what I could give

But my God! I have given more than what I should

My doctor said depression, serotonin, dopamine, norepinephrine

They might be properly corrected from what the trauma has left

The strain said, “nobody wants to hear the grief of your brain.”

I hate going out of bed today

To the pale pound of my pulse

My self-help books reminded me that the best way to cope is

look into the eyes of the people who have suffered more than I have

And that other people are on the same boat

But each day has come and gone and it has not gotten better

I was out there staring at the ferry sleeping near the shore

With its lights bringing me back to the memory of you

I tried to write a new poem and stopped halfway

I swear to God I’ve tried finishing it but I only hit back

When I thought I’d hit the bottom

There is no pain like my pain

So, let me tell you I know this is one of those days

When the whole world is dancing with glaring laser lights

While I shut the doors of my plundered room…